Today, I attended a funeral of someone, whom it seemed, was much too young, too active, too involved in life, to have actually died.
But, he did. He died on Sunday. Unexpectedly.
And since I got the news, a strange cloud of...something...has been surrounding me.
A cloud that is heavy, deep, and draining. And, no matter how hard I try to wish it away, or tell myself, that I shouldn't feel it (because I am not a close friends or family), or try to ignore it, the cloud remains.
A cloud best described as a swirling mix of...
- Sadness...for his family and his friends,
- Shock...that this man, who I had been in a meeting with on Thursday, talked to on Friday, and who sent me an email Sunday morning, was no longer alive,
- Vulnerable...and acutely aware of the fragility of life. (of my life, my husband's life, my childrens' lives, my parents' lives, my siblings' lives, my friends' lives, etc...) and,
- Memories...of moments past, and of loved ones who have passed.
What I don't know, and what I have been struggling with, is what I should do with this cloud...
But, I suppose, there is nothing to do with this cloud.
Nothing other than to see it, acknowledge it, and allow it to be.
So that is what I will do.