Thursday, October 4, 2012

Life, Death, and a cloud.

Today, I attended a funeral of someone, whom it seemed, was much too young, too active, too involved in life, to have actually died. 

But, he did.  He died on Sunday.  Unexpectedly.

And since I got the news, a strange cloud of...something...has been surrounding me.

A cloud that is heavy, deep, and draining. And, no matter how hard I try to wish it away, or tell myself, that I shouldn't feel it (because I am not a close friends or family), or try to ignore it, the cloud remains.

A cloud best described as a swirling mix of...
  • Sadness...for his family and his friends, 
  • Shock...that this man, who I had been in a meeting with on Thursday, talked to on Friday, and who sent me an email Sunday morning, was no longer alive,
  • Vulnerable...and acutely aware of the fragility of life. (of my life, my husband's life, my childrens' lives, my parents' lives, my siblings' lives, my friends' lives, etc...) and,
  • Memories...of moments past, and of loved ones who have passed.
Surely, I am not alone (at least, I sure hope that I am not) in feeling this.  And, I know that it is probably a normal reaction to the situation. 

What I don't know, and what I have been struggling with, is what I should do with this cloud... 
But, I suppose, there is nothing to do with this cloud. 
Nothing other than to see it, acknowledge it, and allow it to be.

So that is what I will do.