No. 8 - Color Your World

 

In my 50 Ways for a Mom to Connect with her Authentic Self, number 8 is all about COLOR!!!

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The other day I was mindlessly doodling.  Something I find myself doing quite often.  But this time, when I saw what I had created...  I realized that something was missing.

COLOR!

So I scanned my doodle into my computer and began to add LIFE (err,...color) to my ink marks.

For about 30 minutes, time stood still (you know what I mean - those situations when you are so engrossed in what you are doing that passing time is unnoticeable), as I COLORED MY WORLD.

The very next day, I saw that a facebook friend, Melissa McClain was offering a Do the Doodle 30 Day Challenge.  The Universe spoke.  What else could I do, but sign up!

I am SO excited to DO the DOODLE and add COLOR TO MY WORLD!

How do you add color to your world?

No. 42 - Write a letter to yourself.

In my 50 Ways for a Mom to Connect with her Authentic Self, number 42 is all about getting in touch with your authentic self through writing letters.  Today, I wrote a letter to my younger-self.  (Shamelessly stolen from Ellyn Spragins at www.letterstomyyoungerself.com)

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Dear 29 Year-Old Kim,

I know this year is hard for you!  You never thought that a simple number - your age - could ever affect you so dramatically, but, alas, it has.  And, that is OK.

You expected so much for your 20's - an education, a career (both of which you have) - but mostly, you expected love.  And that love, that you haven't yet found, feels like a gigantic empty hole of loneliness.

Thirteen years later, as a wife and a mom (who craves time to herself) it would be easy for me to tell you to embrace your alone time and to enjoy your freedom - but I will not do that.  I know that you have experienced life and enjoyed the opportunities that you have had because your are single.  And, you will continue to do so. 

Me, on a road trip, during my single days.

I also know that your desire to become a wife and mom is so incredibly powerful and that right now, it feels so hopeless.  Hang in there.  

What I will tell you is that your current lack of love, is NOT because you are not worthy!  Please do not waste the time to question that!  I wish that you could clearly see how worthy you are.  But I now know, although you have a hard time fully believing this, you do know your worthy of love - deep down!  Otherwise, you would have already settled, married and had children.

But you didn't! - You have stayed true to your worthiness. 
Do your realize how remarkable that truly is?

However, what you do not believe, that only now I am beginning to embrace, is that you are amazing!  I wish you would acknowledge and celebrate what you have accomplished! 

Stop saying that all that you have done in your twenties (finished college and grad school, found a career that is fufilling, moved 745 miles away from home, plus so much more) is not a big deal.  It is a big deal! 

Stop believing that anyone could accomplish what you have!  Just because they could (and that is debatable), does not mean that they have...  And YOU have! 

These accomplishments will serve you throughout your life.  And, while right now you feel a large piece of your life - love, partnership, family - is missing, know that what you have done is incredibly valuable!

You will look back to now, and remember your twenty-ninth year as incredibly challenging.  Because when your entire being feels like your life's passion is missing - it is hard - grueling even.

But you are persisting and staying true to YOU! 

And I, the future you, thanks you!

I am in awe of you!

Love and hugs,

(the 42 year old version)

 

What would you say to your younger you?

No. 5 - Face a Fear

In my 50 Ways for a Mom to Connect with her Authentic Self, number 5 is all about being not letting fear get in the way of your dreams!

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One morning, months ago, I woke up inspired!  I had a brilliant idea (if I do say so myself) for a children's book. 

Writing a children's picture book has been a dream of mine for the last 20 years, but I always thought that it was just something I would dream of, but never do.  I have even started writing many stories from time to time, only to get discouraged, or sidetracked and would give up.

But this time, I was so inspired that I got out my computer and began to weave my words with thoughts.  Writing felt wonderful and I became very attached to each sentence.  So the thought of letting another person read it, even my husband, brought slight pangs of fear.  Inspite of that fear, I shared my first draft with my husband and he liked it, but had a few ideas about how I could change it.  I went back and made some changes and reworked parts.  Many drafts later, I got braver and shared it with my parents.  They too liked it, and also had a few suggestions.  More shaping, tweeking, and editing.

But, I knew that soon, I would have to get feedback from folks outside of my family, if I wanted to move forward with my book.  The thought of doing so scared the *beep* out of me!  It was amazing, to me, how vulnerable I felt.  What if they don't like it? What if they don't understand it? What if they laugh? What if they think I am crazy for thinking that I could author a children's book?  But, again, I persisted and asked a few friends, who have a relavent background, to look it over.  Again, I got feedback, and made some more edits.  It was not as hard as I had expected!

Meanwhile, I had been researching the world of children book publishers and found a small relatively-new publisher that I thought would be a perfect fit for my genre of book.  Furthermore, this publisher had changed their policy (the very week I inquired) and were now accepting unsolicited manuscripts submissions for children's picture books.  It felt like the stars were aligned, and that the Universe was telling me to submit my book.  That thought - the simple thought - that, maybe, I should send off my story to a publisher filled me with fear! 

I told myself that it was crazy to even consider sending off my manuscript so soon!

I told myself that I couldn't handle it if they rejected it!  

I told myself that publishing this book was just a pipe-dream and that I should give it up!

And then I told myself to FACE MY FEARS!

So I did.  I made my final edits, formated it to their requirements and in a click, I sent it off to the publisher.  At that moment, I bubbled over with fear, hope, and giddiness.  I grabbed the giddiness and hope, held it close, and did a little happy dance all around my house.  

It felt awesome! 

I would love to tell you that the publisher was thrilled with my book and immediately offered me a contract to publish. 

But, alas, that is not what happened.  A few weeks later I received a very nice email, which included suggestions for improvements, but also explained why they were not interested in my manuscript.  I was very disappointed!  And, yes, I shed a few tears.  The rejection was hard to receive. 

But, it was nowhere near as hard as I had feared!  

Recently, I was given advice to "not stop before the miracle" (Thank you Debbie Phillips)  So, now I move forward. This one rejection will not stop me.  My book is a work in progress and how it will come to be, I do not know.  But what I do know is that one day it will be shared with the world!

What fear did you face?

What did you gain from that experience?

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