The image of me that I have in my head, does not seem to show up in my pictures.
Or in mirrors.
Or in store windows.
So I avoid pictures, mirrors, and glancing at store windows as I walk by.
In my head, I am not covered in a fluffy layer of, well, fat.
In my head, I am powerful. I am strong. I am fabulous.
And for some reason, that fluff, seems to visually communicate (at least in my head) that I am not powerful, strong, or fabulous. And, while I "know" that I am powerful, strong, and fabulous, I do not always "feel" that way.
It's almost like there are two MEs... The one I see in my head, and then the one I see in pictures, mirrors, and windows.
I like the one in my head better.
And for a long time, I have tormented, spoke poorly about, and horribly to and condemned the me in pictures, mirrors and windows. And, ouch, that hurts. She (I) is (am) bruised, scarred, and defeated.
Recently, I have realized that I need to make friends with her (me). And, I know that becoming friends with her (me) will be a process. I need to apologize and be forgiven. That will take time.
But, if I can do this...just imagine how powerful, strong and fabulous I will feel!!!!