Day 104 - Pictures of me...

I don't post a lot of pictures of me.  And, there's a reason for that.

The image of me that I have in my head, does not seem to show up in my pictures. 

Or in mirrors. 
Or in store windows.

So I avoid pictures, mirrors, and glancing at store windows as I walk by.

In my head, I am not covered in a fluffy layer of, well, fat.
In my head, I am powerful.  I am strong.  I am fabulous.

And for some reason, that fluff, seems to visually communicate (at least in my head) that I am not powerful, strong, or fabulous.  And, while I "know" that I am powerful, strong, and fabulous, I do not always "feel" that way.

It's almost like there are two MEs... The one I see in my head, and then the one I see in pictures, mirrors, and windows.

I like the one in my head better. 

And for a long time, I have tormented, spoke poorly about, and horribly to and condemned the me in pictures, mirrors and windows.  And, ouch, that hurts.  She (I) is (am) bruised, scarred, and defeated.

Recently, I have realized that I need to make friends with her (me).  And, I know that becoming friends with her (me) will be a process.  I need to apologize and be forgiven.  That will take time.

But, if I can do this...just imagine how powerful, strong and fabulous I will feel!!!!